Monday, July 18, 2005

Religious Folk Would Have a Field Trip With This Dream or "I Want My Mommy"

HOLY FUCKAROO! I can't believe I still have nightmares. I woke up from this dream about 20 minutes ago and when I woke up I scribbled down my reactions and my dream as best as I could. This is word for word what I wrote down as I woke up (excuse the simplistic, scared-shitless, bumbly, stuttery language - I was shaken out of my mind)

"Wow I just had a real nightmare. I woke up and called [P] right away. In it, I was trying to get out, I think I was trying to wake up, but I physically couldn't do it. The image was that I was in a dark room and I kept trying to get past whoever was at the door but they weren't letting me out. There was a lot more meaning to me being stuck in that room and I knew that in my dream, I knew that this was it, this is what life is all about, and I couldn't believe it. I woke up screaming 'No! No!... Nooooo!' And I'm not sure if I was only saying it in my head or if I said it out loud too. When I got enough willpower to escape the room it was literally sucking me back in. I went to try to find my parents, my brother, but all the other doors inthe hallway led nowhere. The hallway looped around so that I had to walk past the evil room no matter what, it just brought me back there. And I was terrified. I mean I was scared for REAL that this was it - this is 'the meaning of life' and that I can't do anything - I can't find 'the light' or my loved ones and that this room is so powerful....

It was so bad that I had to turn on the light when I woke up. I examined the window and window shade - it looked like the door opening that I was trying to get to but couldn't

There was someone else there, in the light. I was calling out to him to help me, but I couldn't find him once I escaped the room. I was calling out to my parents I think...
I just remember trying to muster up the strenght...making numerous attempts and failing each time to get out. And somehow I knew it was all mental, that it had to do with willpower.

I remember thinking how when I went back to the real world it wouldn't matter anymore because now I knew what it was really about. I knew what life REALLY was. As in, what's behind the curtain...

The image of that dark room still haunts me. It's like it can open up and suck you in and then you can't get out. There was an evil little creature, a girl I think, at the door to that room, laughing at me. While I was trying to get out I could only see sillhouete of something dark at the door. I don't think it was her. I think I was afraid of that thing that was keeping me in the room."

Yes, I am aware of all the imagery and metaphors, etc. that this dream evokes. I'm well aware.

With that, I'm going back to bed. I have to be up in less than 3 hours.

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